


on a sinking ship with a heavy heart

by milcbowl



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Consensual Underage Sex, First Kiss, First Time, M/M, Mutual Masturbation, Underage Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-24
Updated: 2020-06-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:53:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24899476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/milcbowl/pseuds/milcbowl
Summary: Written for the FE3H Kink Meme:The reason Felix is so devastated after watching Dimitri at the Western Rebellion is that their relationship had been developing and the night before they rode out to suppress the rebellion... Dimitri took Felix's virginity.This can be Felix reminiscing about it/the night itself/Felix and Dimitri talking about it, etc. It's up to you whether they ever resolve their issues and resume their relationship!
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Felix Hugo Fraldarius
Comments: 2
Kudos: 45
Collections: FE3H Kink Meme





	on a sinking ship with a heavy heart

**Author's Note:**

> [Kink Meme Prompt](https://3houseskinkmeme.dreamwidth.org/476.html?thread=1444572#cmt1444572)
> 
> Apologies for the delay on this, anon! I hope you enjoy!!

He can’t remember when his feelings for Dimitri changed shape, when jealousy over shared friendships turned into something more-- not until it becomes an inconvenient thing. 

It’s an inconvenient thing tonight. 

Dimitri is in his bed and he hasn’t been able to get to sleep, his cock refusing to allow it. 

He’s touched himself before, of course, but only rarely and only shamefully.

This time when he reaches down to wrap his hand around himself, the shame feels as familiar as it does more pronounced, knowing that Dimitri is asleep just inches away. 

Propping a knee up, he does his best to make it look like he's not doing this beneath the covers-- should Dimitri wake, he wants to be able to deny everything even in spite of the way his breath starts coming harder and faster with every stroke, every thrust up into his hand. 

His free hand grips hold of the sheets beneath him, his head falling back as he turns to watch Dimitri, always Dimitri, as though he's long forgotten how to look at anyone else. 

Maybe he has. 

It's harder not to think about him these days than it is to just let his mind fixate, to imagine what it would be like if Dimitri were to kiss him, to touch him. 

He comes with a muffled cry that night, his pillow shoved into his mouth as he arches up and into his hand.

If Dimitri saw him now... he wonders if he would hate him.

~

He decides to put the theory to the test the next day. 

"I want to try something," he says, somehow mustering all of his courage as he places the booklet on the bed between them. It's not even that long, just a few pages rather sloppily bound-- though that might just be as a result of overuse, something he would attribute to Sylvain even on the best of days. 

"What is it?"

"It's--" Feeling himself flush, Felix turns to look elsewhere, gaze fixed on the sheets beneath him. Too soft, too distracting. "Sylvain gave it to me."

This answers nothing about Dimitri's question, but he seems to accept it all the same, his fingers reaching out to slowly flip the booklet open. 

If it’s possible, Felix feels himself grow redder still. 

There’s still a chance to turn back, to pretend that it was a joke or that it was the wrong booklet he grabbed or-- worse still-- that Sylvain played a prank on them. 

But he can’t lie to Dima. He _can’t._

Dimitri’s eyes widen. No turning back now. 

“Felix, this is—!”

“Sylvain gave it to me!” he repeats, more forcefully this time as color slowly illuminates him from the chest up. “And, anyway, is it really that big a deal? Everyone does it, right?” 

There was even one night that just about half-convinced him that Dimitri touched himself, too. One night where his breathing came that little bit faster, his body curled up into fetal position as he faced away from him. He'd chalked it up to nightmares the next day, but--

Felix didn't believe him then, and now... now he can't help but hope that Dimitri isn't about to call him a freak. 

He holds his breath.

"What do you want to try?"

"Just--" Reaching forward, he flips through the booklet before handing it off to Dimitri. The thought of him, not of any of the women or couples on the pages, is what's making him strain against his pants. "Pick one you like and start touching yourself."

"What? O-on my own?"

"Of course not!" Felix shoots back with a huff, the shade of red coloring his features deepening considerably. "We'll do it together." 

In truth, he hadn't gotten that far. Even carrying the ridiculous booklet to his bedroom, he'd only thought about Dimitri's hand on himself. 

But he's not about to buckle-- not now, and certainly not like this.

"Right now?"

"Right now," he nods, sitting up on his knees to tug his pants down. To his great shame, he's already half-hard, just the thought of what's to come seemingly enough to give him an erection.

But Dimitri doesn't hesitate, either, tugging down his own pants to take himself in hand. 

It's impossible not to stare. 

"Is that the kind of girl you like?" he hears himself asking, his breath coming harder and faster than he'd expected as he nods to the booklet. 

"I--" Dimitri hesitates, his glance going to the pages open between them as though this is the first time he's really looking at it at all. "I don't know." 

"She should have a bigger chest," he agrees with a nod, even though he doesn't think that at all-- the girl looks nothing like Dimitri, his gaze routinely dragged over to him as a sharp whine escapes him. Dimitri looks like he's barely concentrating on anything, his hand soft and gentle as it strokes up and down his length-- his length, which is somehow bigger than anything Felix has seen-- 

"You're big," he blurts out before he can stop himself, his eyes wide as he forces his gaze off of Dimitri's cock. 

"Felix--" 

He's worried until he sees the look on Dimitri's face-- less accusatory and more hopeful as he looks over at him, eyes wide in seeming surprise. 

His hand slows down.

"I-- I can find a girl with bigger breasts," he says, his hand reaching out to the booklet only for Felix to stop him, hand on his arm. 

"No, don't."

 _I only want to look at you, anyway_.

"I want--" His voice dies in his throat, a litany of things he wants to say coursing through his head at lightspeed. _I don't think I like girls like this, after all. I don't even know if I like girls. I like you-- no one else. Please, Dima--_

Feeling himself tear up, he shakes his head, wrenching his hand off of his arm. 

"Nothing." 

"Felix--"

He's stopped stroking himself, he realizes after a moment. He can't watch Dima like this, too much guilt welling up in his throat. He hopes that Dimitri can't tell. 

The hope doesn't last, not when Dimitri reaches for the booklet to flip it shut.

"What are you--?"

Dimitri leans in to kiss him before he can finish his sentence, the words stolen off his tongue as he hears a gasp leave him, instead. A new hand joins his own around his cock, a shudder running through Felix at the realization that it's Dima's hand, that all of this is Dimitri.

He feels surrounded in everything he wants, everything he's ever wanted. 

" _Felix_ ," Dimitri groans, the sound greedier than Felix had ever expected to hear coming from him.

He doesn't want to come too soon, something he knows to be a very real risk if he just allows himself to be surrounded in everything his best friend is offering him, his touch, his voice, his scent--

So he wraps his own hand around Dimitri's cock, finding himself rewarded with the buck of his hips in response.

It's an awkward position, a part of him wishing they were both on their sides and facing each other for this-- but even so, he doesn't think he'd take a moment away from this for anything. Losing whatever security they've earned themselves within the fragility between them feels like far too great a risk.

And Dima's hand around him feels too good to deny himself, too. 

He arches up despite himself, his breath coming in pants only for Dimitri to kiss away the sound. Distantly, he realizes that he's kicked the booklet off the bed, finding that he doesn't really care all that much. 

Dimitri is moaning against him, his hand slowly becoming sticky with precum. Slowly but surely, his arm is getting sore. 

And Felix finds that he doesn't care, that he'd do anything to preserve this moment, to keep it to himself, to both of them. 

_I love you,_ he wants to say, and doesn't. Instead, he comes, splattering his stomach and Dimitri's hand in his cum as Dimitri follows him. 

_"Felix--!"_

The joint mess ends up mostly on Felix, but he doesn't care even a little bit. Instead, his mind is fixated on the fallout that might follow this dalliance, the panic over losing Dimitri chasing after him.

"I'm sorry--" Dimitri starts, Felix pulling him in to kiss him, shut him up before he can take back any of this, before he can take any of this away from him.

"Don't," he warns, shaking his head as he pulls away. "Just help me clean up, but-- don't be sorry."

As unsure as Dimitri looks, he listens, follows instructions. 

"I don't want to talk about it," he preempts then, before Dimitri can say anything to the contrary. 

"All right," he agrees, and Felix has to suppress the urge to be disappointed.

~

They don't talk about it until the next night, Dimitri knocking on Felix's door after dinner.

"What?"

"Do you not want me in there tonight?" 

His voice is muffled through the thick wood of the door, but Felix can hear enough, hesitation staying his hand on the handle. 

"That depends."

"On?"

"On whether or not we talk about it."

"But I want to talk about it. I want--" The silence through the door is deafening, Felix holding his breath as he waits for Dimitri to make up his mind. "I _like_ you, Felix."

Oh. 

"... how."

"I want--" His voice drops several decibels until Felix has to strain to hear his whisper through the wood.. "I want to kiss you again, Felix."

The door swings open. 

"Prove it," Felix says. 

Closing the door behind him, Dimitri smiles. 

And does as he's asked.

~

Felix wishes, more than anything else, that they had more time together.

There are only so many trips the royal family can make to one of their territories, only so many trips the Fraldarius family can make to the capital before it starts looking odd. They don't see each other enough, never enough. 

But battle… 

There's nothing about battle that has to be justified, Dimitri curled around him as they stare at the ceiling of their tent. 

Their maiden battle is tomorrow, a glorious occasion they should both be excited about. 

And yet…

Regardless of where his focus ought to be, Felix has something else on his mind entirely. 

Looking over at Dimitri, he smiles, stealing a kiss from the tip of his nose.

"Are you excited for tomorrow?"

Dimitri shakes his head.

"I am," Felix whispers. "But I--" His hand seeks out Dima's, greedy, interlacing their fingers with a smile. "This is better. I think," he starts, gathering courage with every letter that passes his tongue, "I think I want to be with you tonight."

"What?"

Turning onto his side, Felix beams, his hand running down Dimitri's front. Only when he reaches his erection does he still his fingers, his teeth catching his bottom lip between them. 

"We'll be becoming men in more than one way, right?" Their maiden battle… and this. "Please, Dima."

_There's no one I'd rather be with than you._

Dimitri doesn't look entirely convinced, but he kisses Felix regardless, and that's more than enough for Felix. Clumsy fingers slide beneath crisp sheets to find bare flesh, Dimitri inhaling sharply against his lips as he allows fore- and middle finger to skirt over his hip and down along his thigh. Where Felix assumed that he would continue along his path, assumed that he would ignore where he truly wishes him to be, Dimitri's fingers slip between his legs regardless, sliding up to wrap around his length. 

His fingers still feel familiar from the first time he touched him, and every time after that. Looking up at Dimitri now, he's not sure he's ever _not_ been in love with him. 

He hopes Dimitri feels the same way, his own breath shaky as he opens his mouth mid-smile. 

"I love you, Dima."

It's not the first time he's told him, and he knows it won't be the last. Maybe he'll tell him a dozen more times tonight, and many more yet in his mind. Dima knows, and that's all that matters.

Dimitri's forehead comes to rest against his, his fingers stroking his cock in time with Felix's motions on his own until he thinks he could get lost in the moment and drunk in Dimitri. 

"I love you, too, Felix," comes the shuddered answer. "But I don't-- are you sure?" 

Nodding against him, Felix's smile just widens in response to his uncertainty. "I'm sure. I've never been more sure of anything." 

He means it. So sure is he, in fact, that he came prepared. 

He _anticipated_ this. 

"I-- I brought something for us," he whispers. "But it's awkward to do myself, so you'll have to help." 

And they'll have to stop touching each other, which will, perhaps, be the hardest part yet. He just hopes it'll be worth it in exchange for the promise of _more,_ of being united with Dimitri properly. 

"It's in my bag," he mutters, Dimitri's eyes widening as though they're only just processing Felix's words, that he's really serious about this. 

Thank the goddess that they're sharing his tent. 

Slipping out of their bed, Dimitri pads bare feet across the span of the tent, rifling through Felix's bag only to pull out a small vial to hold up. "Is it this?"

Having moved onto his back, his legs splayed open and their blanket half-kicked off, Felix has picked up where Dimitri has left off on touching him, his stray hand spit-slicked as it presses experimentally inside of his entrance. 

"Yes," he gasps in answer, Dimitri turning around only for his jaw to drop at the sight of him.

"Oh," he says. And then, again-- " _oh_."

"Bad?"

"Felix." He clears his throat. Shakes his head. "That's, ah--"

"Good?"

Dimitri just nods.

"Come back to me," he whispers, letting go of his cock to hold his hand out to him. "Please, Dima? Make me feel good."

Dimitri's feet carry him back slowly, his footing seemingly unsteady where it wasn't before. 

"H-how?" he asks, taking Felix's hand in his.

"Uncork the oil and pour some onto your fingers? And put them in me."

If Dimitri knew this much about what to do, Felix _knows_ he'd be jealous beyond belief, would want to know where all that knowledge came from in the first place. But Dimitri just-- trusts him. Doesn't ask if he learned this from Sylvain's booklets or from actual experience-- perhaps, in part, because he knows that Felix would never withhold something so important from him. 

Would never want to share something this intimate with anyone else. 

Dimitri starts with one finger once Felix's is out of the way. He's slow to insert it, almost too careful, but the gesture only makes Felix fall more in love with him, the sight of his concentration face oddly endearing in a way that it would not be on anyone else.

"I love you," he hears himself say again, unprompted. 

It's shockingly, alarmingly easy to be honest with Dimitri sometimes, when things are like this between them. When they've been inseparable for years and closer still since the incident in his bedroom. 

"I'm so lucky," Dimitri mutters, shaking his head as he works a second finger inside of him. It burns, and there's pressure in a way he's certainly never felt before, but it's nothing knowing that it means he'll get to be with Dimitri like this. "I never thought I'd get to be with you like this so soon. It was an honor to see you like this before, but this--" 

Felix understands. This is so much more than what they did before, clumsily touching each other to the best of their abilities. 

He supposes Dimitri is right. They are lucky, both of them. Getting to be with the person they love more than anything else in the world is a privilege and an honor not available to many. And yet, he's not sure that anyone else's happiness could even come remotely close to what he has with Dimitri right now. 

"Is that-- okay? Is it too much?"

Felix shakes his head, no hesitation. "You feel perfect. Add-- can you add another one?"

"It wouldn't be too much?"

"I'm not made of porcelain, and you're a lot bigger than your fingers," he mutters, glancing down at Dimitri's cock, which he could swear has only gotten bigger since the last time he felt it. 

His words seem to give Dimitri pause, hesitating as he stares down at himself. 

"And you're sure this is a good idea?"

"Stop asking," Felix tells him, unable to help the annoyance that slips into his voice at the thought. "Unless you don't want me."

"Of-- of course I do. I--"

"Then _show me_."

He drags him down and into a kiss before Dimitri can object again, Felix meeting his fingers with every thrust he has to offer him, a shudder running through him. This is already _so much_ , a wonderful blend of discomfort and pleasure making itself at home inside of him, and Felix finds that he doesn't mind the pressure, the slight burn. The oil has made the path of Dimitri's fingers slick enough that he wouldn't be surprised if they didn't need any more for his cock, his head pushing back into the pillow behind him just as Dimitri curls his fingers inside of him. 

_Oh._

'D-Dimitri--" he gasps, jaw dropping. His hips jerk up, wanton and desperate as if begging for something, _something_ that he can't quite name, fingers twisting in the sheets beneath him. 

"O-oh. Should I--"

"Do that again," he whispers, eyes wide in wonderment as Dimitri works a _fourth_ finger inside of him-- only to curl them once more. 

"Ah--!"

For a second, it feels like he's coming, but there's no release that follows, just the twitch of his body demanding more. Not that he can blame it.

He's with Dimitri, after all.

"Did you just--"

"N-not totally," he stammers, panic gripping him at the thought that Dimitri might change his mind now. "I-- I still want you. I didn't come, I swear--"

"Don't worry, Felix," Dimitri says, a soft laugh leaving him as he leans in to kiss him. "I want to be with you, too. I just… do you think it'll fit?"

"Of course it will." A huff, indignant. He's less than convinced of that fact, but he _wants_ it to be true so very desperately. "Here, I'll bet I could take it now."

Spreading his legs wider, Felix lifts them by the back of his thighs, his lower lip caught between his teeth. 

"Felix…"

"Pull your fingers out and at least try, will you? Don't sound like you have so little faith in me already."

"I'm sorry! I just don't want to hurt you." 

But Dimitri complies regardless, taking his cock in hand to line himself up and push inside of him slowly. 

Felix realizes a moment later that he may have spoken too soon. 

It feels a little like he's being split in half, his eyes wide and his breathing as rapid as it is uneven. Fingers twist further into sheets, Felix turning his head into the pillow so Dimitri at least might not see half of his concentration face. His… pained concentration face.

"Slow down," he rasps out, the burning and stretching almost too much to take. 

True to his word, Dimitri does, not that it stops the head from slipping in regardless. Eyes wide as he takes in the sight between them, Felix realizes after a moment that this hurts less than it did a moment ago, the rest of his cock not quite as wide and flared as the head.

"Just-- just don't move for a bit," he hears himself say, his voice small as Dimitri quickly offers his assent in the form of a hurried nod. 

"I won't move, I swear. I'm sorry-- I hurt you, didn't I?"

"I don't care-- being with you is more important, you should know that by now."

He _should._ Which Felix knows to mean very little on its own, a soft sigh leaving him as he tries to concentrate on Dimitri's face instead of the stretching, his body getting used to his ridiculous girth. 

Dimitri has always been beautiful. 

Where Felix's hair has gotten quite long, his hair is shorter these days than it used to be-- and it still looks good. His features are soft, kind. He's the epitome of a good crown prince-- or would be, if it wasn't for the fact that he's not interested in anyone other than Felix.

(He isn't, right?)

"Do you love me, Dima?"

"Of course I love you," Dimitri answers, his gaze swiveling down to between them a moment late, the place where they're connected. "If I don't move, I'll-- I'm getting soft."

So that's why it had begun hurting less. Felix swallows.

"You can push the rest of the way in; I can take it."

Dimitri doesn't hesitate: a moment later, he's sheathed fully inside his best friend, his beloved, his _lover,_ their bodies perfectly joined, and Felix can't remember the last time he was this happy.

"Felix, you're crying."

Reaching up to touch his temple, he finds that Dimitri is right; the tears came automatically all on their own at the thought of him, a soft laugh escaping Felix's throat. "I'm okay, I'm just-- I'm happy, Dima."

Leaning in to press soft kisses to the sides of his eyes, Dimitri offers him a warm smile as he rests their foreheads together, gentle. He's always been kind with him, kinder than Felix has ever deserved. 

"Don't cry. I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere."

Wrapping himself around Dimitri, he nods. "You can move. I-- I want you to. It doesn't hurt as much anymore."

It's not even a lie by now-- and it remains the honest truth even when Dimitri draws back and snaps their hips together again, a sharp gasp leaving him with the motion, his thrusts bordering on frenzied and demanding within moments. He wants this. One look at Dimitri's face alone speaks for itself, his eyes closed, lips parted, and his hips meeting Felix's with every thrust.

Greedy fingers find their way into Dimitri's hair, Felix hooking one ankle over the other to pull him closer-- over and over again with each and every thrust inside of him.

"D-Dima--"

It's hard to think straight, in truth. Being filled so completely, Felix isn't sure he's ever felt quit this whole, this complete, or this happy. 

"O-oh Felix, you feel s-so good--" 

Clumsy fingers wrap around his cock, Felix groaning as one of his legs is hitched up higher on Dimitri's hip to allow him to sink deeper. 

It works almost instantly: Dimitri manages to hit that magical spot inside him with each and every thrust until Felix is nothing more than a quivering mess of sensations and emotions, all centered around Dima and how much he loves him. 

Fingers tighten in blonde locks as he arches his hips to meet him, to chase his pleasure on Dimitri's cock, Felix almost certain that he must be seeing stars by the time he comes, hard and quivering. 

His legs tremble despite not holding up any weight, cum coating his stomach as he feels Dimitri follow with a harsh cry. 

"F- _Felix--_ "

Wrapping himself more fully around Dimitri, Felix shudders, the realization that he's crying again (or is it that he just never stopped?) striking him as a tear runs into his hair. 

"Love you, Dima," he hears himself choke out, his face buried in his neck. Dimitri is still breathing hard, hot against his shoulder, but any discomfort is long drowned out by the closeness between them, the emotional weight of Dimitri inside of him. 

It's a wonderful thing, he decides.

"Are you all right, Felix?" 

"Just sticky," he laughs, his arms tightening around Dimitri, _his_ Dimitri. 

"I'm so sorry, I'll get you cleaned up--"

 _Stay,_ he wants to say, but Dimitri has already pulled out of him, leaving him somehow all the messier and stickier in the process, empty with the loss of him. It almost feels _wrong,_ but he's not about to voice the thought, needy and pathetic as it is, as bare feet pad across the tent once more, this time not for oil, but for a washrag to clean him up with. 

"I can stay here tonight, right? I don't want to leave."

"Don't be silly. Of course you can. We want to be well-rested for the battle tomorrow."

"Mm."

Felix isn't sure why he's newly nervous about their maiden battle now, not when he wasn't before, but something in the air feels different. 

"I love you, Felix," Dimitri tells him when he gets back into the bed beside him, clumsily pulling the blanket back over both of them. 

"I love you, too," he says, and finds himself almost wishing that he meant it any less that he does.

~

When he watches Dimitri fall apart and rebuild himself as the beast over the course of the next day, he wishes it all the more. 

It would be easier if he didn't love Dimitri. It always would have been. 


End file.
